The taboo of human mannerism

We all share common taboo mannerisms, and I think those mannerisms should be exposed a little. The things on ones mind can completely alter how life is perceived, and when just the right combination of thoughts grace your mind, they can make someone feel completely different, either for a couple seconds, a whole week, or the rest of your life. It is the ones that last couple seconds that I want to talk about here.

The unseen powers that you control. Some people play this one out more than others. But I get these feelings every once in a while. I was playing with Arwen an hour ago, and for a minute I thought I was talking to her, and she was talking back to me and I understood every word. It was strange though she did not (in my head) have a voice...and neither did I...Ooooo spooky. I say this only because most people associate telepathy with a voice fabricated inside of another clients head instead of creating thoughts. Im not saying I can only perform telepathy only with a dog...or even that I can do it in the first place...but why not? life is surprisingly shocking in the things it can do. when I’m playing Texas hold 'em and I’m the dealer, I often feel that I have complete control of those cards...well technically I do, but I mean the control of knowledge...not like I can make the cards flip up to the top of the deck as I see fit, but That I know what card is where and what card comes when I flip em. Then I ask myself...well your wrong more than half of the time...so it must be simple coincidence...luck. but then I disagree with myself yet again and say...well… coz…maybe I just haven’t mastered it yet.

Clepto... this hasn’t happened to me in a while, but I know its still in there somewhere. Don’t worry people I know, I wouldn’t steal from anyone close to me. I was really drunk last night and I was walking drunkly home with my roommate, I think I stole someone’s bike seat... yup I sure did, right out there on the porch. I think I wanted revenge from that one time my bike got stolen sophomore year...oh yha and the other time I had my bike seat stolen twice...I meant other timeS. Revenge is futile, yes, but I’m also not the nicest drunk in the world. the clepto thing probably doesn’t relate to you readers, but its possible.

Nostalgia is fucking awesome. To me, one of the greatest feelings in the world. Fall is soon approaching and fall makes me happy. The sights, the sounds, the weather, the way people act, my past memories of previous falls...it all mashes together for those 30 seconds and man.... I really do appreciate the feeling. Life can be a very wonderful thing. Lately I’m really enjoying that fact that I can do anything from THIS POINT on, right now. Its the power that we all have, but I like when we get the options. Making those decisions keep the mind occupied while continually anticipating the future. True, I don’t always make the right choices, and then there are some choices I wish I could make...and I know I can, but there are those choices that would negotiate choices made in the past, and choices one would want to make in the future. The choices that other people have made also greatly influences choices you would like to persue.

lady.

Minor Disconveniences

I was arrested for underage drinking. They made me do 40 hours of community service...all my friends kept telling me I got off easy, but I don’t think so. My idea of getting off easy takes 5 minutes in front of a computer.

Mouse holes look nothing like they do in Cartoons. If Mice had jigsaws, someone is going to get hurt.

In mike Tyson’s Punchout, Mac is wearing a pink sweat suit. Also, when you are between rounds and you repeatedly tap a and b simultaneously you gain back substantial health.

Gatorade Tasked like crap sometimes... especially after brushing your teeth. This one time I punched my roommate Jarrett in the face because I was so drunk. When I got home, I wanted to grab for the Gatorade sitting on my desk, but instead I puked in a glass. The glass was brimming in the morning, remarkably, there was no visible evidence of spillage.

I don’t like breakfast food. Sausage flavor has too much personality, and eggs don’t have any at all. The idea of bacon is disturbing and orange juice hurts. hash browns are good...but who ever declared them as a breakfast food. What the hell is a grit? sike, i know what a grit is, suckers.

My roommates dog seriously smells like nacho cheese Doritos. I like her too much to stay away...so I try to surround myself with all Doritos I can get my hands on at all times.

I used to watch parker Lewis cant loose. Parker Lewis had a laboratory in his locker, and his sister was cute... maybe that came out wrong.

I met this girl named Erica today... i lured her in with my starburst technique. I’m so very lame... but were getting married next Tuesday.

I ran 2 miles today... Finally I said, Lady, HERE! Take your purse! -Emo Phillips

Theirs this Chinese stir-fry place in the commons its called Nao and Zen. I eat their once a week and they have 6 different delicious and exotic sauces to choose from... I get a combo of 2 sauces each time in order to come up with the ultimate sauce combo. Next week im gonna try spicy orange peanut and the spicy Szechwan sesame.

I was in kindergarten and I was really sick one morning. My mom told me to stay home but I didn’t want to because I really liked going to school. So, I put on my Alvin and the chipmunks underwear and I sickly created a skid mark on the underwear almost immediately... determined to go to school, I found my ninja turtle underwear, slapped em on...and put on the breaks once more. With one last Try I reached for a lucky clean white pair... alas... My ass made me stay home. Then I cried a lot and we all had ice cream.

First day of school fun

The first day of class is certainly the most awesome. I’m always trying to meet new people on this very important day, to me, and probably not limited to me, It gets harder and harder to meet people as the year progresses. Most importantly, meeting those of the opposite gender. Today, in order to accomplish this I was giving starbursts to random people and asking them this one very random question; 'If you had the choice, would you choose to be a praying mantis or a walking stick, and why?' Maybe this is why I don’t get girls...

I am an engineer and its so frikkin difficult to meet these fictitious girls. The current day ratio stands at an amazing 15 guys to every one girl. This preposterous number reflects upon the world’s grand plan of keeping the vast community of nerds and geeks without chicks. This is the reason I value my time in general elective classrooms. But dammit even here, in these huge auditoriums full of female prospects, there are still major road/cock blockage. For instance, I never fail to discover that an old long lost acquaintance or friend is sitting there in that very auditorium with me. After class we will meet up and be like "well damn!." previously from saying "well damn!' that class was being used looking around class at hot chicks, waiting for a good solid eye contact. This time is well utilized and noted for future classes to be used in strategic second day seating arrangements. These second day seating arrangements tend to dictate a students classroom location for practically the rest of the semester. NOW, back to me saying "well damn!" with my long lost acquaintance or friend. While saying "while damn!" an obligation is quickly built with that person and it goes frankly like so: HEY! now that I know your here we can totally sit by each other. This never fares well with a hopeful strategic seating arrangements. At this point it is vital to get in to class before your acquaintance or friend comes in so you can tell him/her to come over and sit with you.... But coming in early totally defeats the planning and strategy of strategic sitting. Now it is a slight possibility that I could sit in the general area where I saw a prospective target on the first day...But like I had insinuated before, First day seating arrangements are very flimsy and not set in stone in any way. For the prospective prey is also a form of predator and will 1) move somewhere else to sit with their second day friend or 2) Will move to a different section to observe HER prey more closely. These locations ladies and gentleman, are total wildcards and cannot be preempted. So as you can see, this usually ends up in a nice game of catch 22.

Another negative aspect of auditorium hunting is the act where you find someone you cant keep your eyes off of and then you are only to discover that that person cant take her eyes off of someone else...and then you notice some fatty that cant take their eyes off of you (observe fatty looking at us in picture... LOOK at 'er... juuuust LOOKIN' at us!), I tell ya, a real confidence kicker. The very popular J. Geils Band song titled “Love Stinks” can best describe this phenomenon.

You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure

(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah


Besides all that, I had a good time today. 90% said they wanted to be a praying mantis. Its kind of a obvious question really. The praying mantis looks approximately 5 times cooler than the walking stick...They have a cool looking head...they are green, They have saw arms!, And to top it all off...there is a law prohibiting humans of exterminating them. I think there is a 50-dollar fine for each murdered praying mantis. I try to have ice breaker conversations like this one, because I really hate having the "how was your summer" dissaster.

p.s. The baja starbursts were a big hit.

Some words on being Greek

I know how to speak Greek at an intermediate level, but I hate how I can never prove this. Anyone who ever wants me to say something in Greek wants me to say, your tits are HUGE, or I want to have basket sex with your mom, or why did you train your dog to lick peanut oil off of your penis? Sorry guys...raised by conservatives.


Yesterday, my mother hung up empty soda cans all around our patio. This has to do with my mother going senile more so than being Greek. Her excuse was to scare away birds...but it doesn't explain the three bird baths on that very same patio... along with the fact that shes senile.....When we came back from Ocean City 2 weeks ago, she brought back 4 sacks of beach sand. I asked her...Why did I just carry in 4 sacks of beach sand ... she responds ... its for my leg. Thank god! My mom is getting around to that glass casing for her leg! ...Glass is made from sand...what's up with that?

The bad news is that im meager five foot, seven inches here in America. The good news is that Im a towering 1.7 meters in Cyprus.

In Cyprus (Some tiny Greek country) the soil is not conditioned for tomato growing, plus tomato import tax is through the roof. Because of this they do not furbish their pizzas and spaghetti with a thick and delicious tomato paste substance...however ketchup. believe it or not, Its pretty delicious to the acquired tastebud. Highschool pizza as we all remember does not include very much sauce...so I was much inclined to carry the ketchup pizza torch over to the Americas.

My first day of college I was so excited to find a poster saying "come join our Greek life here at VCU." I was so excited to hear there was a thriving Greek community in a city like Richmond. I told some friends there to check me out...because Im greek...and apperently being greek is cool here at VCU. I think 8 different people called me an idiot for that one.

Traditional Greek clothing is very strange. Im glad togas are still around...lookin' good, douche bags.

Home Improvement and world deconstruction

Funny dream last night. I dreamt I was Tim Allen on an episode of Home Improvement, Sitting on the couch watching a football game with Al and Jill by my sides. Jill looks over at me and says... Do you think Jerry Rice gets tired after 3 o' clock? I stand up immediately afterwards look to Al and I say...See Al, didnt I tell you Jill gets pathetic after 3 o' clock?



As I analize this, the segment relates to a couple things in my day to day life. #1 I had a sexual fantasy with Partricia Richardson (Jill) the night previous. #2 I was watching that new Pauly Shore Show the other night and they were all trying to install a carpet and one of the dudes got fed up and said "Im not Tim Allen you know!" #3 Al is a co-star on my very own home improvement show and a good friend of mine. #4 When Im at work And I notice that it is after 3 o' clock...i kind of shut down...I struggle with all work thereafter. So yes Jill... Jerry Rice probably DOES get tired after 3 o'clock...and Im sorry about calling you pathetic, come back to bed baby.

I also had some other weird snippets last night...but what else is new? I woke up in the morning and got one of those feelings where everything was so literally primal. ie. 'looking' at 'kleenex' and 'only' 'seeing' 'facial' 'tissue'... 'looking' at the 'toilet' and 'only' 'seeing' a 'human' 'waste' 'recepticle'... 'looking' at 'myself' 'in' the 'mirror' and 'only' 'seeing' a 'arthropod' 'staring' at a 'reflective' 'glass' 'material.' Its kind of refreshing when that happenes. I tend to snap out of it when I walk into the kitchen only to find my mother lighting candles infront of jesus icons, opposite to another table with eggs cooked up for me before I head into work...aww how sweet. I work for AOL...for 6 more days.

I remember elementary school all too well. Part I

In 3rd grade elementary school, I truly presented excellent signs of leadership! I started a club called the Happy Happy Joy Joy club...derived from everyone's favorite sick cartoon pointed at youngsters. The club was full of potential...and being a young entrepreneur aware of club management, I required my 2 pilot members to pay me a stipend of 3 dollars a peice. They actually gave me the 3 dollars!!! with my brain feeling woozy from the sudden rush of power and persuasion, I started to feel an immense guilt. So to compensate this guilt, I toiled in my room all night coming up with clever and fun events that MY club could partake in. So I planned on a treasure hunt, 'what could be cooler than a treasure hunt' I said to myself. So I jittered myself about, looking for toys and things that I was willing to give up. I had comprised 3 zip lock bags (one extra for a potential recruit...oh I thought of it all) full of things like squirt guns, cracker jack style toys, pieces of clay?...yes I think I did put clay in there...green clay if I remember correctly, and yes...even loose change. I was so excited to be starting what I thought could be a great community of fun!

The very next day, I told my two members about the event. They did not to seem to excited but I assured them they were in for a great treat during future recess.
Recess came and I bolted out the door with zpiplocks in hand to hide them in the furthest reaches of the school yard..one at the foot of a soccer goal...one on top of this awkward pole where kids would awkwardly swing down...you know this thing? it had 3 ascending wood stumps going up only to reach the top of a straight 10 foot pole...i hated that thing...and the final bag partially covered by playground rocks in the middle of our playground rock pit...we all had those right? I rallied my troops....or I tried to rally them... wait... none of them are rallying...you don't...what! none of them seemed to show the SLIGHTEST of interest.... AT ALL. It was.... so sad. like a wet noodle I slumped back to each of the spots where I had buried the 'treasures' and picked them up with sighs. My club was a dud...but screw those assholes... they wanted their money back and I acted like I dident have it...bastards.

Some words on Star Wars

So what's up with Jabba the Hut's attraction to princesses Leia? I don't really understand why some huge gibberish talking slug had the hotts for a human. He dresses her up in a awesomely skimpy bikini of gold and chains her to a platform, or whatever he was on, and drools all over her throughout the scene. Your not going to find me behind closed doors gripping a bug magazine. True, there are signs of cross breed attractions all around us, ie. farmers riding sheep, dogs loving our legs and so on. But these are examples of pure sexual relief...and I dont think cross breed attire is a big issue there.

How come the Star Wars world was 8 times more high-tech in episodes 1-3 than in 4-6. Not to mention the light saber fights were incredibly lame in the supposed 'future'. Anakin, previously able to take on multiple offending sabers at a time, could not even beat a pussy like Luke with his stupid hair. We can all learn a lesson here, the future sucks.

Did you know Warwick Davis can be seen in episode one during the pod racer scene? It's true, if you see it again...check out the scene where they give you a cameo of Jabba...and surely he will be standing right next to him, short as ever!